MADISON, Wisc. -- The Green Party, the political organization that backed Ralph Nader during two of his unsuccessful bids for the Presidency, has collapsed from the weight of its own issues.
Sources say that the party's diehard opposition to extreme liberal causes was so heavy, and that the lack of comic relief from any administrative leader or member, caused the total breakdown.
"Nader knew this was coming," said an unidentified party leader. "He had a hard enough time laughing at anything and did not want to be with the party during his current campaign for President. He knew it was political suicide to be caught in the heavy landslide that would destroy the party. And he knew he must leave and learn to smile, that learning to smile was the beginning of igniting laughter for the first time in his public career. And that might help him get votes."
Liberal issues have long been described as stressful, cancer-causing issues and many liberals are morose, intense and personality-free people--much like Nader. But for a whole party to collapse from such heaviness is unprecedented.
"Liberals are killing themselves," said Dr. Stewart Petroleum, ex-Green Party member. "I was treating so many of them for excessive burden carrying that led to tumors that I left the party. It was an unhealthy place to be a part of."
Conservative Riley Roolerdebby said, "Being a Republican is so much easier on the mind and body. Not caring about many things, no matter how important, is the key to good health. We don't have to destroy liberals, they are killing themselves."
"I will be in rehab for years," said another undisclosed Green Party leader.