WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin has told her husband Todd that when Johnny (McCain) wins the election that she will do her very best to convince him to move the White House from Washington D.C. to Anchorage, Alaska.
She said that it would cut down the mileage that they would have to travel from 3,340 miles to 30 miles. She added that, that way they could spend a lot more time with all the kids and the upcoming grandchild plus there aren't really any places near Washington D.C. where she could hunt moose or even caribou.
Todd asked her if she really felt that she could swing moving the White House and Sarah smiled and said, "You betcha, Toddy...you know me, I can be a real you-know-what when it comes to wanting to get my way. Once we get elected and I'm officially the vice-president it won't take long for me to have that old ex-POW wrapped around my little trigger finger." Sarah winked and added, "Toddy don't get upset honey, but just in the past week alone, I've caught the old geezer looking down my blouse a total of seven times!...three times at a Wendy's, twice at Victoria's Secret, and twice in my motel room.
Palin added that one of her lifelong dreams has been for Alaska to have an NFL team. And she has told several neighbors that one of her priorities as vice-president will be to move the NFL Washington Redskins to Fairbanks and change their name to The Fairbanks Whiteskins.
An inside source revealed that Todd had asked Sarah to try and keep a low-profile, but Sarah has made it very clear that those two words are just not in her vocabulary. A few days ago she even called David Letterman in hopes of convincing him to move his Late Night talk show from New York City to Juneau.
Yesterday, it was reported in the Anchorage Daily Attester that she has been involved in extremely private talks with Prime Minister Stephen Harper about making Canada the 51st state. And just this morning Mrs. Palin was overheard telling a fellow hockey mom, "Agatha, we've known each other for a long time, goodness you and I have cussed at hockey games together...we've screamed at PTA meetings. And I can't even remember the countless times that us two 'Wilderness Women' have shot, skinned, and cooked moose...and we've even exchanged Eskimo food recipes."
Palin added, "So Aggie, you know me pretty darn well and you know that when 'Dog Sled' Sarah puts her mind to doing something by golly, I'm gonna get it done and I'll be willing to bet all my snowmobiles, all my snowplows, my red and white Piper Cub vintage float plane, and even everyone of my 14 moose hunting rifles on that."
In other news, hikers have reportedly discovered a volcano just west of Sausalito, California. The Society for the Discovering, Naming, Monitoring, and Cleaning of Volcanoes has decided to name the 800-year-old volcano Mt. Dancing Relic, in honor of Cloris Leachman.
(Objects in mirror appear closer than they actually are)