According to anonymous Republican moderates, Sarah Palin, the GOP Vice-Presidential candidate, was temporarily kidnapped just before her debate with Democrat Joe Biden this past Thursday.
These multiple sources state that certain far-right die-hards led by Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, fearful that Governor Palin would embarrass them and the GOP with her global ignorance, hired former Colombian drug dealers from the FBI's Federal Witness Program to perform the kidnapping.
It is further alleged that these former drug lords burst in on the Governor and her "First Dude" while the couple was playing "Now-I'm-The-Caribou-And-You're-The-Oil-Driller" in their hotel suite just prior to the debate.
They blindfolded her and her husband and transported them to an undisclosed Federal "safe house." She remained safe and content listening to erotic Alaskan moose calls.
She was kept incommunicado until Ms. Tina Fey, hired for $3 million dollars, substituted for her on the podium. Once the debate was over, Ms. Fey was whisked away and Mr.& Mrs. Palin were returned to their suite where they both blithely resumed their earlier activities.
There is no evidence to support the idea that John McCain had any knowledge of this deceit. In fact, when queried by reporters what he thought of "Ms. Palin's" performance, he asked hazily, "...and Ms. Palin is who again...?"