Anchorage, Al / Snowmobile Times - The Alaskan Legislation voted unanimously to secede from the Union today, clearing the way for a new influx of blue collar Americans seeking to re-establish ancient American foundations of family values, individualism, and common sense.
The announcement came after the Obama Proclamation of "The Chicago Doctrine" written by William Ayers, former Weatherman Bomber, current College Professor, and head of the Annenberg Foundation Chapter in Chicago.
The Doctrine promises: increased crime for the US, with homicides higher than currently occurring in US war Zones, more deficits in community pension plans(44% in Cook Country), higher sales taxes with Cook County's 10.25% as a model, lower educational standards while increasing educational spending, free health care for crack addicts, 9 bedroom houses for unwed mothers with children fathered by NFL millionaires, open season on law enforcement officers, and immunity for militants who successfully bomb Federal institutions that stand against Obama's Socialistic programs.
The democratic majority in Congress has indicated they will vote overwhelmingly to approve the move by Alaska. Leaders Sen. Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi led the charge.
"We'll have all this to ourselves" gushed Pelosi, spreading her arms in an enveloping embrace as she looked out her corner window over the smoking Washington, DC Waste Land.