Barack Obama's newest challenge has left him wondering what to do with the nearly 70% of Californians residing in Los Angeles. With all but one swing voting group in his pocket, Barack is going after the one constituency that has eluded every presidential candidate since 1929: The Homeless Vote.
"It's been a consistent problem for decades," says Jeff Flynn of Advocates for a Homeless Future. "But today's politicians are starting to pay attention to the "alley potty" contingent that is becoming the fastest growing, most powerful voting block in America's premier urban area…mainly, Los Angeles."
Double digit leads in the heavily urbanized community have given the lion's share of the pants wetting demographic to Obama. Asked if he had purposely manipulated this swing vote group by floating the possibility of appointing his impoverished brother to a cabinet post, he shrugged off the suggestion as a rightwing attempt to marginalize his campaign and equate his political positions with positions for the sake of politics.
"My brother George is a devoted family member who wants to help me in anyway he can," Barack said at an afternoon luncheon. "His re-surfacing is in no way connected to my sudden rise to messianic status, my multi-million dollar book deal or the fact that some in the media have embarrassed me into pulling him from the slums of Kenya. In fact, I welcome the advice of anyone in my family that can tell me who I am."
"It's a classic example of the Republican racist machine at work," said Jeff Flynn. "Whenever someone of able means helps out a family member, it's assumed that they were humiliated into doing it. It's just not true. Senator Obama was merely waiting for his penny jar to fill-up so he could lure his brother away from the peaceful squalor of his homeland."
Not to be outdone, Senator McCain staged an event that re-enacted his tortured stay at the Hanoi Hilton. The sun stroked Senator from Arizona cabled his wrists to a Japanese cook at Benihanas and pledged to end apartheid in South Dakota if he was freed. Fortunately, for the beleaguered cook, an unarmed, disoriented McCain became distracted by re-runs of Matlock playing in the adjoining bar and was easily subdued by Lenny Writchler, a wheel chair bound cub scout from the next table.
"Maverick, my a**," said the overly enthusiastic Lenny. "That little b**ch is MY P.O.W., now! Prisoner of Writchler."
The McCain organization has not returned calls or responded to repeated attempts by Lenny's family to stage a re-match.