Lawmakers scrapped the first bailout bill, realizing just in time that it only attempted to bail out SOME financial problems.
"In our abject humility and deep-felt respect for the American taxpayer, we almost missed this once in a lifetime golden opportunity not to bail out SOME financial problems, but to bail out ALL of America's financial problems," said America's Treasury Secretary.
He went on to describe the valiant efforts of Congress (who vastly prefer the title "lawmakers" whenever they're up to something really big and expensive) to not just fix ALL of America's PRESENT financial problems, but to also fix all FUTURE problems, with maybe even a fix or two for PAST problems.
The Treasury Secretary explained: "If Americans are happy to spend $700 billion, then it's a good thing we're revising, because how much worse would $800 billion be? Or even add another zero or two. $80000 billion? Just leave off the comma so the sting isn't so bad? Heck! We're even considering going for broke - only in the figurative sense, don't worry! - and using the world's biggest number googal - 1 billion followed by 100 zeroes. More than that would certainly be pretentious."