HACKENSACK, New Jersey - One of Barack Obama's top advisers has stated that if Obama wins the presidential election that he may seriously consider asking the current secretary of defense, Robert Gates to remain as a part of his administration.
A White House insider revealed that when President Bush heard about this he got all excited and elated and remarked, "Well, hell maybe that Obama fella can find me a job in his cabinet seeing as how I'm gonna be kind of on the unemployed side come January."
When told of the president's remark, Obama exclaimed, "Now let me get this straight...you said that the cowpoke wants a cabinet position in my administration? Well let me just say this about that, and let me be perfectly clear on this...the only cabinet position I want to see that man in, is underneath the kitchen sink in a cabinet with his head positioned between his knees...that's the cabinet position I'm talking about. I'm Barack Obama and I approve of this message"
When Bush was told about Obama's remarks, he just flashed that old cowboy grin and said, "Look, I know that right now that, that Obama fella might not be liking me too much, but hell, you could pretty much just say that about nearly everyone in America...with the possible exceptions of Laura, the twins, my mom and dad, Dick Cheney, and...well anyway let me get back to the issue. There are a lot of reasons why I would be an asset, and that's with an 'et' to Mr. Obama's administration." Bush smiled, tugged on his pants, briefly touched his crotch region, and intoned, "This old guy knows just about every single world leader in the entire world, and the two or three that I don't know, I don't need to know, no way, no how, no McCain."
Bush grinned and said, "And there are lots of other reasons why I would fit right in with Mr. Alabama's cabinet. Both he and I do not like McCain, and I do know for a fact that Michelle cannot stand Cindy 'Grandma Barbie Doll' McCain one bit. And as far as Mr. McSame's, I mean Mr. McCain's choice for his vice-presidential candidate is concerned...my word, what the hell was he thinking? I mean she's a soccer mom, she was a member of the PTA, and furthermore she blasts poor defenseless squirrels and other helpless varmints all to hell. Now I ask you in all seriousness, what kind of qualifications are those for someone who is going to be a heartbeat away from the biggest most important job in the world? My job!"
Bush laughed, took a sip of his Coca Cola Zero and said,"Okay so she was governor of Alaska...well to quote Shania Twain, 'That don't impress me much.' Now don't get me wrong, I happen to love Alaska, expecially Baked Alaska, and I think that I still have some good freinds who live in Alaska, and one or two of 'em even voted for me. But truth be told, Hell I think I have more ranch hands on my ranch than she has people in her entire state." Bush continued, "Hey really, I'm not kiddin' ya, I betcha that the old Astrodome down in Houston could comfortably hold every citizen of Alaska and there would still be enough room left in that baby for every single member of the Osmond family."
The president added, "But anyhow, it's still early. And Obama has my cell phone number, so let me just say this in closing. And I want to speak directly to Mr. Obama...Barracks please feel free to call me anytime you want. I promise that when I see your phone number on my cell phone that I will answer my phone immediately. Call no matter how late it is...heck lately with all this economical mess regarding a bail out, and Wall Street, and unemployment, which I want to state for the record, all of which I inherited from Donald Rumsfeld. I've been stayin' up sometimes as late as 10:15."
"So Mr. Alabama, please call me. And you know what? Before I move out, I want for you, and your foxy-looking lady, and your two little young'uns to come on over to my White House. I'll have Bubba and Paco fix us up an old-fashioned Texas-style barbecue dinner complete with Fajitas (beef skirt steak), frijoles borachos (drunken beans), and dozens of them flour tortillas (flour tortillas)...my treat. And as we say down in Texas, 'Mi white casa is su white casa.'"
In related news, Sarah Palin revealed to CNN's Wolf Blitzer that in her illustrious hunting career she has shot dozens and dozens of elk, caribou, moose, and antelope, but that her lifelong dream has always been to travel down to Texas and shoot a fajita.
(Action figures sold separately)