SEATTLE, Wash. - Democratic-nominee-to-be John Kerry has admitted that President Bush is now doing everything the way Kerry said the President should do things and is therefore making Kerry's candidacy moot.
In a speech at Seattle's town hall, Kerry said Bush's new tactic means that if Kerry is going to stay in the race he will have to change themes quickly. "I am going to announce tomorrow," Kerry said, "that I am against everything the President is doing now and that I am for everything he is not doing."
The 31-minute speech was Kerry's most comprehensive to date on the topic of his candidacy and the most honest about his campaign.
He said, "I blew it. I gave Bush all the great ideas, ones I would have used if I had won the election. But now that he is using them, I am left with nothing. I knew Bush was a tough competitor, but stealing my entire act is just criminal."
Kerry plans to introduce more specific details on his new platform soon. "I will be outlining my proposal to invade Iran and Syria and to criticize the United Nations for its uselessness. Then, I will probably call for a draft again and look into starting a scandal so I can get Senator Kennedy out of my life."
He promised that if he becomes President, "I will do whatever George Bush would not, no matter what those things might have been."