Written by Kristin Dreyer Kramer
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Topics: construction

Thursday, 6 December 2001

image for Revolutionary New Community to Begin Construction

SOUTHERN PODUNK, AL Residents of Southern Podunk will finally have the opportunity to experience all of the conveniences of big-city living when the Rensfield Development Company (RDC) opens the doors of its new residential high-rise building late next fall.

"The old Lawrence farm went up for sale, and we saw it as the perfect opportunity to finally turn this dream into reality," said Walter Rensfield, RDC president. "The people of Southern Podunk and the surrounding areas have been very responsive - and they're already starting to reserve their units."

"Admittedly, we were a bit concerned about getting the zoning approval," said RDC vice-president, Stuart Preston.

"After all, Southern Podunk doesn't have any buildings taller than two stories - and our new building will have 32 floors. But the zoning board was eager to help us out."

Preston refused to answer questions about the zoning board members' new BMWs.

The goal of RDC's chic new high-rise community (to be known as Industrial Wasteland ) is to bring city living to the country - to create a new high-class living environment for the urban-minded residents of Southern Podunk who are forced to live in the country due to jobs, family responsibility, or the witness protection program.

The condo units in Industrial Wasteland will vary in size and cost. The most affordable condo - the 200-square-foot bachelor unit - will cost approximately $1,500 per month*.

The deluxe 600-square-foot two-bedroom unit will cost $6,000 per month*. (*Prices shown are estimates, and do not include utilities or monthly association fees.) Residents will get to enjoy all of the conveniences of city life, including paper-thin walls, stale and polluted air (piped in daily), occasional break-ins and vandalism, cockroaches (brought in from a number of big cities around the country), and a free membership to the building's roof-top health club.

"I was forced to leave LA and come out here for my job," explained Southern Podunk resident Martin Fleming. "I really miss the high-class city life. Life in the country just doesn't come close to the comfort and excitement of living in a high-rise. That's why I was one of the first in line to reserve my space in Industrial Wasteland."

Many others like Fleming have already signed on the dotted line, eager to move in. The ground-breaking ceremony will take place next week, and construction is estimated to be completed by late next fall - so Southern Podunk residents can celebrate next Christmas in style.

Following the unveiling in Southern Podunk, RDC plans to begin construction on several high-rises in Southern Indiana, Montana, Northern Michigan, and Southern Utah. Even more are in the initial planning phases, including one in Saskatchewan.

"In no time," said Rensfield, "no one will be forced to deal with living in the country. That's our goal."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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