Written by Mark Garrison
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 29 September 2008

image for Uncle Sam Wins Lottery, Will Pay for Bailout

Washington DC - In a strangely coincidental stroke of luck, the United States Government's Uncle Sam purchased a winning Powerball ticket worth $701 billion.

The Delaware Lottery has confirmed one ticket matching all six numbers including the Powerball was sold in the Delaware area.

The U.S. Government has confirmed that Uncle Sam purchased the winning ticket while on his way to visit a female friend. Store records also show Uncle Sam purchased a 12 pack of Natural Light and a box of condoms.

The Government states that the winnings will be immediately forwarded to the U.S. Treasury to be used instead of public funds in order to pay for the Wall Street bailout.

Surprisingly, it's not the first time Uncle Sam has won the lottery. "He won $1 trillion before. We asked him to pay for the Iraq war but instead, he chose to invest in sub prime mortgages," said U.S. Treasury spokesman John Ratliff.

Ratliff says in this case, Uncle Sam decided to do what was best for his country after they threatened to post surveillance footage of his night out on YouTube.

Uncle Sam has 180 days to claim his winnings or else the money will be used to pay for universal health care. "We can't allow that to happen," said Ratliff. "You can bet he'll cash that ticket."

Make Mark Garrison's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

6 1 8 18

Go to top