Wall Street Journal, September, 2008: Our favorite Uncle Sam suffered a Coronary heart attack this week. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room at Washington DC General Hospital.
Dr. Bush the resident emergency room physician diagnosed that Sam had toxic financial assets stuck in his Aorta and immediately hung an IV of Federal Aid. Sam was sent up to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) where he under went additional tests and is being kept under observation for a few days.
Sam had a second episode and the attending primary Cardiologist Dr. McCain noted that Sam's condition was probably the result of eating too much rich food at Freddie Mack and Fannie Mays Diner on K Street in the District. His associate Dr. Obama seemed to agree, after some debate about the subject. Sam, as your Cardiologists we say "you have got to cut out eating pork, earmarks and acorns, as they are clogging up your system. You are a pretty old guy to be messing with this stuff and we want you to survive by upgrading your health insurance!"
During this period Sam was visited in the ICU by Dr.'s Pelosi and Reid, Washington DC Proctologists, who offered to help facilitate Sam's speedy recovery by giving him more Federal Aid. They also wanted to give Sam an enema to possibly clear the toxic financial assets. The Cardiologists dismissed this approach by saying "Sam already had enough Federal Aid in his system and their suggestions would treat the problem from the wrong end."