Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 29 September 2008

image for Ron Paul Finally Concedes Republican Nomination
Look at the smile on that satisfied face!

Texas Congressman Ron Paul finally conceded the Republican Nomination to Senator John McCain, six weeks after his party's national convention. Paul was the first man to enter the race and is apparently also the last to leave.

Even when McCain secured enough delagates and super delagates for the nomination, Paul still campaigned for the job. Even after McCain named a running mate, Ron was still out there kissing babies. Even after the first debate, Paul was still mailing out bumper stickers and campaign buttons.

When asked why he stayed in the race so long, when it was obvious he wasn't going to win, Paul answered. "It was the over zealous campaign staffers. I had a bunch of enthusiastic and energetic women in each of my offices around the country that would bend over backwards for me to meet my needs and ease my tensions. You just don't find people out there that are that willing...unless you pay for it."

"There were even a few men out there that really took it all in for my cause, if you know what I mean."

"It was for those people that I stayed on the road and tried to make a difference. Their sacrifices could not go unrewarded. They gave me their all, so I had to give it back to them. I'm blown up with pride at some of their actions. When push came to shove, they got down on their knees for me."

When asked if he would run again in the 2012 election, Paul replied that he was going to start campaigning after this election and that he would "be out on the road with my people until my dick falls off."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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