May 30, 2004 (Washington, DC) -
This morning, comedian Bill Cosby stunned reporters when he told of his plans to become the first African-American President of the United States in the year 2008.
This is the press conference in its entirety:
I: Mr. Cosby, why do you want to run for President of the United States? What are your plans?
BC: Well, you see... being President is kind of like mixing the pudding. When you mix the pudding, the ingredients become one and the same. It's all just a fluffy mix of goodness and pudding. That's what I plan to do with America: make it a big bowl of pudding.
I: Mr. Cosby, how would you deal with the war on terror?
BC: Well, if you put too much water in the Jell-O pudding pops, you see... it only becomes natural that the pudding doesn't taste right. I think the Iraqi people are like the Jell-O pudding pops; too much water.
I: Are you using water as a metaphor for the militia?
BC: No, I'm using it to make the Jell-O pudding pops! D'ooooooohhhhhhhhhh!
I: Mr. Cosby, what are your thoughts on the way President Bush is handling the war on terror?
BC: A bush of pudding and the jazz!
I: I'm sorry. What?
BC: The pudding and the jazz is the mix from the Jell-O pudding pops!
I: Mr. Cosby, you're not making any sen-
BC: If the Jell-O pudding pops mixes in with the Kodak film and the jazz gets played on the ring-a-ling-ding, the Kodak film will capture the pudding in the bowl with the Jell-O pudding mix. NOW!... If the man making the pudding decides to eat the pudding pops while whipping the jazz on the rappa-dap-dap, then the pudding is going to become the Jell-O pudding snack pack!
At this point, the reporters had already left. Bill Cosby stood at the podium for an hour and a half rambling until the police escorted him off the property.