Now that she has been protected against witchcraft herself, Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is to use her powers 'to free America forever from the dark forces that threaten it abroad and at home,' The Spoof was informed today.
Exorcism can work at a distance, she explained, although the details must be confined to adepts.
Scoffing at Democrats who deny her foreign policy competence, she told us that 'a group of eminent U.S. international affairs experts, who support my campaign, are busy right now carving little wooden effigies of Osama bin Laden, Kim Jong-il, and Ahmadinejad - you see, I got all those heathen names right, so there! - for use in a ritual so arcane that disclosure would incur eternal damnation. But I can mention that it involves live chickens, dead sheep, and used Brillo pads, since I am, after all, an ordinary housewife.'
And once the ceremony is performed, she assured us, 'We won't be hearing much from that lot!'
Can this approach be effective in dealing with domestic economic problems, our reporter wanted to know.
'I'll say it can! Ask yourself, can it be mere coincidence that right after Barack Obama's last press conference, all the cows in Wasilla went dry, a comet was seen in the east, and shares fell by 150 points? No, the horrifying truth is, as revealed to me by the Angel Gabriel, that the forces of evil are working through Barack Obama to infest the floor of the New York Stock Exchange with poltergeists! So my team of crack Harvard economists are preparing a secret potion to be drunk at full moon by members of the Republican National Committee, which will release the spiritual energy needed to expunge Obama's demons and restore our country to its former prosperity.'
Whatever one's personal beliefs, there can be no denying Mrs. Palin's sincerity and fervour as she vowed 'never to falter in my mission to bring America to Jesus'.
'Jesus!' echoed senior McCain strategist Lysan Morlize, suddenly dashing up to us. 'Who let her out? Come along, Sarah,' he coaxed, 'it's time for your afternoon cocoa.'
Wearing a beatific smile, she complied, leaving our reporter to muse in wonderment on the strange tales he had heard that day.