Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 2 November 2008

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Lolita de Libido photographed on her last day of work

RENO, Nevada - One of Nevada's most famous prostitutes, Lolita de Libido, has just celebrated a combination birthday party and retirement party.

Miss de Libido, 50, was given a surprise birthday party and retirement party by her co-workers, friends, relatives, fiance, customers, and police officers that had arrested her at one time or another. The shindig was held at 'The Weeping Squaw Room' of The Pochahontas Hotel.

De Libido had originally planned to 'work' one more year but said that she decided to retire because her knees were starting to bother her and also because she was getting sick and tired of all the cellulite jokes.

De Libido's closet friend, Gigi 'Spot' Gillygap also revealed that Lolita had confided in her that it had gotten to the point where her crotch region was starting to make scary involuntary echoing sounds in the middle of the night.

Gillygap added "Loli was really and truly a very smart cookie. She was quite an astute 'working woman.' You know when all of us other 'working women' were charging $100, Loli decided to attract more customers by charging $95.

She was by far the smartest slut that I have ever known...She knew all of the words to every song by Cher, Linda Ronstadt, Madonna, and the Eagles. And I do know for a fact that she could also name all of the shortstops in Baseball's Hall of Fame.

Mickey 'The Little Slutmonger' Dunderwhelp, who was the assistant manager of The Gal Pal House of Blinking Red White & Blue Lights Whorehouse, where de Libido plied her trade said, "'Golly Lolly,' as she was affectionately known, was the most popular 'hooker' that I had ever known. She was even more popular than the Van Fellatini triplets, 'Cookie,' 'Rookie,' and 'Nookie.'"

Dunderwhelp added, "'Golly Lolly' had quite an extensive clientele including a group of three filthy rich businessmen from Osaka, Japan who would visit her once a month. They were not only impressed with her sexual prowess but with her unique musical ability to play their favorite Japanese folk songs using only a pair of chopsticks, a piece of aluminum foil, a slice of white bread, and a dime.

De Libido is very proud of the personally autographed photo of her and the members of Led Zeppelin that she has hanging over her lingerie drawer. she is also very excited that Touchstone Pictures has just purchased the rights to her autobiography entitled "Thank You and Here's Your Five Dollars Change."

In other news, Democratic candidate Senator Barack Obama went into a YMCA gym in Flagstaff, Arizona and made 27 three-point shots in a row. Meanwhile GOP candidate Senator John McCain campaigning in Sleepy Hollow, Illinois ate a hot dog, combed his hair, and sneezed.

(Processed at location stamped in code at top of article)

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