In swift response to President Bush's cancellation of the November elections, the Democratic National Committee made this stunning announcement just moments ago. DNC Chairwoman Pardy Hack addressed the nation with the amazing news that the Democrats were dumping the Obama/Biden ticket and replacing it with Franklin D. Roosevelt.
"Bush can't get away with this!" shrieked Hack. "We've secretly kept FDR in a cryogenic crypt in the family plot at Hyde Park for just such an emergency. The time has come!"
With the Glen Miller Band blaring out "Happy Days are Here Again", Roosevelt was wheeled out onto center stage to the wildly cheering crowd. He looked remarkably well-rested, if a bit pale, and totally at ease as he began his historic address.
"Fellow citizens, I humbly accept this challenge, no, this opportunity to put things right in our great country and the world. I beat the stock market crash of 1928, the Great Depression of the 30's and the Nazi and Japanese menace of the 40's. The New Deal WAS the original Real Deal and I'm here to set things right again."
"Bush is nothing compared to Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover. Bin Laden is nothing compared to Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito. The nameless and faceless slimebags of today's Wall Street are nothing compared to the Robber Barons who tried to destroy America and the world with their greed in my day. In the immortal words of Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand, 'Enough is enough is enough'!"
FDR then looked straight into the camera lenses and with a pointed finger for emphasis proclaimed "We have nothing to fear but fear itself", as he was drowned out by the feverish display from the assembled crowd.
"We will have this election and we will win it" promised Roosevelt. "Hell, I packed the Supreme Court long before Reagan and Bush thought of it, and we've got those justices in cryogenics as well. As soon as we finish thawing them out in the microwave, they'll overrule Bush's edict in a New York minute. I say to you all, "Forget the Alamo!"
In a display of party solidarity, President Roosevelt was joined on stage by Senator Obama who has been promised a community organiser job in the Real Deal administration.
At the end of the address, Roosevelt was joined on stage by Michael J. Fox in his wheelchair and Christopher Lloyd as the trio boarded a DeLorean DMC-12 and blasted Back to the Future.
Rumors of a running mate abound, but FDR is most likely to take the advice of his wife Eleanor and choose Hillary Rodham Clinton who is certain to get the wink and nod.