In a move to keep Middle Eastern terrorists out of the United States, the Congress approved a bill to make the consumption of hummus illegal in the United States and its territories.
"If we don't have what they like to eat, they will not come here. Besides who eats that crap anyway." stated Utah Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, a supporter of the bill. "If they can't enjoy peanut butter like the rest of us, well then, just stay away."
When informed that there are many countries that the US are allies with that enjoy hummus, Senator Hatch replied, "We realize that and that's why we have amended the bill so that it only pertains to Iraq, Iranian, Pakistan, and Afghanistan hummus. Armenians, Turks, Israelis, and Egyptian hummus is still legal."
When asked the difference between Israeli and Iraqi hummus, Senator Hatch said, "We think it's the size of the chick peas."
Presidential hopeful John McCain was quoted as saying, "I support the bill wholeheartedly. The first time I had falafel I nearly choked to death. It's a threat to our national security." When told that it's not falafel, but hummus that is being made illegal, Senator McCain declared, "Falafel. Hummus. It's all the same terrorist crap food. We should outlaw all of it! Who the hell eats pita bread anyway?"
When told that his friend and supporter Jewish Senator Joseph Lieberman enjoys hummus, McCain replied, "Nobody's perfect."
Sarah Palin also chimed in and said, "Hummus? I don't know. If it doesn't come out of a moose's ass, I probably never tasted it."
The bill goes to President Bush's desk today where he said he would sign it into law. He was quoted as saying, "The war on terror has to be fought not just with bombs, guns, and warships. We have to win on all fronts. And hummus is a good start."