Washington DC - Alaska Gov. and Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin will require widows and widowers of deceased service men and women to pay for their loved one's caskets.
The Department of Defense has requested that Congress work quickly to pass a bill banning this potentially offensive practice. Congress responded that they were too busy trying to save a sinking ship called the United Sates from a body of water called Fucked-lake.
"It seems like everyone would agree that widows paying for caskets is wrong, but then again, our economy is pretty fucked right now, so why not" said Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain. "I spent five years in a box, and the government didn't pay for that one," continued McCain.
Many world governments have banned the practice of charging loved ones for their deceased family members caskets. Britain recently changed it's own controversial policy of shipping their war dead home in tea cosies which it charged the cost of to loved ones.
Many people compare this latest idea to Palin's tenure as Mayor of Wasilla Alaska, when her city charged rape victims for the rape kits used to collect evidence. When asked if this latest idea had anything to do with the rape kit plan, Palin responded, "We only charged women who were raped by men, if they were raped by bears or moose, the rape kit was free. You'd be surprised how few women are actually raped by men in Alaska."
Our fact checkers did some research and found out that Palin was actually correct. Out of the 5,148,758 rape cases reported in Wasilla, only three were actually committed by men.
One opponent of the idea, a war wife who asked to remain anonymous because she was in bed with her lover told us, "Can I please put some clothes on?"
"Asking a raped woman to pay for her own rape kit is like asking the American people to put up with four more years of being raped by Republican leadership" said Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama. "Charging women who have been raped by moose is bad, but charging for caskets? That's like a hockey mom's daughter getting raped by a moose that's wearing lipstick while a pit bull holds the camera and posts the video on YouTube and the daughter accidentally sees it and the stress causes her moose baby to have downs syndrome" continued Obama.
When asked what he thought of the idea, President Bush responded by saying, "We've been paying for all those caskets? Shit! No wonder our economy is is ruins. Go Palin!"