President George W. Bush has cancelled all his appointments and fund raising trips for the next week after viewing a White House screening of the film ‘The Day After Tomorrow'. The President, apparently believing the film was actually a Homeland Security Brief, immediately had most of his entire staff moved to a secret location in the Rocky Mountains to save himself from the impending tidal waves. He also sent Senators Tom Daschle and Ted Kennedy as well as House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi an all expense paid vacation to Virginia Beach.
Clad in scuba gear, a parka and carrying an umbrella and snow shoes, the President was seen boarding Air Force One dragging his wife Laura kicking and screaming aboard, while panicked White House Staff ran around the plane waving their arms wildly and crying.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking one the condition of anonymity, said, " Look, I know it's just a movie and Kerry's more of a destructive force to us than any tidal wave, but I'm still pissed off. Do you know that prick wouldn't let me on the plane with him? I figured I'd go along and get a free trip to Aspen for the weekend, but as I was going up the stairs to board the plane he kicked me in the face and knocked me down the steps screaming, ‘There's not enough food for all of us! We need the space for women to help repopulate the planet. You can't go!' Man, that hurt. After all I've done for him."
Also Left Behind were Secretary of State Colin Powell, CIA Director George Tenet and
Treasurer Secretary John Snow.