Written by Gordon Pumpertinkle
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Friday, 28 May 2004

APPLES, ORANGES SETTLE DIFFERENCES

Washington, D.C.- After age old differences leading to some of America's most confrontational contrasting and comparing, Apples and Oranges have announced that they have finally come to an agreement.

Groves of Apples and Oranges gathered in Washington D.C. this past weekend for the Great Fruit Debate (GFD).

A spokesfruit for the Apple American community addressed the crowd gathered:

"Since the time of Adam in the Garden, Apples have carried a negative connotation; a conundrum of past evils and festering bigotry has burdened Apples of all shades, equating the average Apple as some sub-species, some disease. Subtleties in everyday speech infect us. Take "Rotten Apple" or "Bad Apple" or "How do you like them Apples?" for example. All negative stereotypes! How many times must we Apples explain that we have no beef with doctors!

Then the ultimate severance with we fruit, "It's like Apples to Oranges," forcing us into the comparative with our fellow fruit.

Today we form a new branch in the history of fruit- relations. The Apple American and the Orange Communities have sat down in the same basket at the same table here at the GFD, debating some deep seeded issues. This has led to fructiferous discussions, bringing us to this delightful fruition. Today, we announce the Bill of Blendability."

The Bill of Blendability (BOB) calls for economic and social reforms, better access for Apple- Americans to higher education, and full-scale integration in fruit juice procedure.

What followed was the crowd's overwhelmingly favorite memory. An Orpple and Octoreen couple stormed the stage shouting to the crowd's plaudits, "Let's face it…We are all fruit here! Whether or not we have blended well together in the past is of no importance. From now on, WE ARE ALL FRUIT STRIVING TOWARD A FRUITOPIA."

The only sad lapse in décor followed as a few sour apples hurled themselves from above, splattering to the stage in protest.

Both Apples and Oranges despised and denounced the single act of protest, with an Orange appalling the actions as, "Tasteless. So utterly cliché."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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