In a surprise resurfacing of an organization many considered dead, the Ku Klux Klan held a press conference at which Klan members preceded to kick the shit out of four nonminority members of the press to everyone's surprise.
"To revitalize a once proud and honored American institution now bereft of direction and any following, we are now committed to equal opportunity bigotry," said Grand Dragon Jim Beam.
The KKK unveiled its new "Not Just Blacks Anymore" program to a standing-room-only town hall in Klan-birthplace Brighton, Michigan.
"The last couple of decades have been marred with diminished Klan rally attendance," continued Beam. "And in an effort to appeal to a wider audience we at Triple-K have been working feverishly to improve our image."
Indeed the Klan has suffered as of late due to basic human intellectual evolution that has seemingly deemed blind hatred an archaic and moronically destructive force responsible for the social stagnation that continues, to date, as blight on the blossoming flower we know as humanity, that until the Klan's press conference, seemed to be seeping, finally, from our collective world view.
"Also, in an attempt to distance ourselves from our not-so-politically-correct past we will now be known as Triple K because, according to our brain trusts, to simply change our names while in fact widening our scope of idiocy is the perfect illusion to advance our image in this modern age," said Beam.