Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 14 September 2008

image for Albuquerque Overrun With Animal Infestation
Even badgers cower in fear at the smell of a pickleweasel

Small, furry, rodent like animals are everywhere in this Central New Mexico city. Animal Control Officers and Police and Sheriff's Departments are overworked in attempting to round up and destroy this infestation of the mountain pickleweasel.

Said State Police Officer Brian Johnstone, "they's everywhere. They come down out of the Sandia Mountains early this summer cuz they had a population explosion, and now they's takin' over the whole damned city."

"Pickleweasels is these little fuzzy things, kinda greenish under their pelts, what gots long claws and big, sharp, pointy teeth. They's killin' and eatin' dogs and cats and I hear tell that even badgers are scared of 'em."

A bounty of $20 per pelt has been placed on the animals. Rewards are paid at any of the police or sheriff's department substations.

When asked what was generally done with the skinned carcasses, Johnstone said that "you don't want to try to eat them cuz they got's this sour dill taste. Even dogs and cats avoid the meat."

"I'd just throw 'em away after skinning."

This reporter learned that the pelts will be turned into leather and used to make shoes for homeless. Nike, Adidas, and Reebok are all in negotiations to purchase these from the City and County.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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