John F. Kerry, the Democratic Parties nominee apparent has attacked George Bush...physically. The Massachusetts Senator, who in the past has attacked the Presidents policies on Iraq, education, employment and the environment said he was "just fed up with the little jerk" so he took a cab from the Senate Chambers to the White House and pretending to be a pizza delivery guy, talked his way into the Oval Office. Once inside, the Senator leapt on George Bush, pummeling him repeatedly about the head and shoulders as Mr. Bush screamed, "Get him off! Get Him Off!"
Secret Service agents, at first reluctant to involve themselves in political issues allowed Senator Kerry to beat on the President for several minutes before restraining him. Then, paying for the double pepperoni pizza and escorting him to the White House Lounge, they bought Mr. Kerry several drinks and everyone traded funny Bush stories.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " I gotta admit, it was great. Kerry's beating on the President yelling, ‘you're a fucking liar, I hate you' and Bush is screeching like a little girl and waving his arms all over the place. When no one was looking I even got in a kick to the Presidents shins, just for the hell of it."
The White House has issued a statement saying the President had fallen off his bike when one of the training wheels fell off.