Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 10 September 2008

image for Monica Lewinsky Bobble Head Doll Big Hit at Clinton Roast!
Former Turkey Roasted to Raise Money for Obama..No Joke!

Chicago/AP - Democrats lined up at the Podium to roast their former President , Bill Clinton, and raise funds for Senator Barack Obama's quest for the Presidency, at the $50,000 a plate dinner hosted by Rosie O'Donnell, formerly of The View.

Included as inducements to attend were life like Bobble Head Dolls in the likeness of the former Rubensesque Presidential intern (Devil in the Blue Dress) Monica Lewinsky,who almost brought down the former President with her private oral dissertations

There were also silent auctions for various items, including:

  • one night in the Lincoln Bedroom,(or 6 four hour sessions)
  • a week of private sex and seclusion in Sen. Charles Rangle's Dominican Republic retreat
  • a Sub-Zero Stainless Steel Freezer designed by the Diebold Safe Company to securely cool off "Hot Money"
  • a Debit card donated by former Governor Spitzer with a $4,000 limit and a 500 mile frequent flyer bonus between NY and Washington, DC
  • a year of free diaper service which was being hotly contested by former Senator John Edwards, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson at press time
  • a year's supply of Revlon's new hot lipstick color, Watermelon
  • an audience with The Pope, arranged by Nancy Pelosi
  • one 6" GREEN Solar Powered Dildo donated by Al Gore
  • one "nappy handled hoe" seized as evidence in the Sharpton/Imus meltdown
  • six months of pulled pork supplied by the southern lobbyist for "the other white meat"
  • a Jumbo Ninja Mortgage(no income,no job, no interest, no repayment) of $4,500,000 for an ostentatious Hollywood 2nd home guaranteed by Barney Frank of the House Banking Committee on behalf of the US Government
  • Free car washes for a year and an EZ pass to access the dripping tunnels of the Big Dig in Boston donated by the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority.
  • Life time, tax free disability payments from the Boston Firefighters Union, and paid for by the Citizens of Massachusetts worth $184,500 a year to commemorate the historic tax protest ride of Paul Revere.

Notably absent was Sen. Hilary Clinton, who aides said was too busy preparing for her 2112 election run and had "heard it all before," although aides said she did outbid her husband on a few auction items.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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