Written by Warren Redlich
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Tuesday, 9 September 2008

image for McCain-Palin Declare Faith Agenda for Teen Pregnancy
McCain Supports Teen Pregnancy

John McCain and Sarah Palin announced a plan to encourage teen pregnancy at a ranch in Eldorado Texas yesterday. While somewhat controversial, the proposal is drawing support from across party and cultural lines.

McCain explained the new idea: "The Bristol Palin pregnancy was a revelation. It's one thing if some Hollywood tart like Jamie Lynn Spears gets knocked up. But when it happens to a fine young woman like Bristol from a family with such strong Christian values, that says something different."

Sarah Palin laid out more of the rationale: "Our Lord and Savior tells us in the Bible to be fruitful and multiply. And He made women their most fertile in their teen years. God's plan for us is clear, and we are simply following in His wisdom."

The idea of promoting teen pregnancy further enhances McCain's status as a maverick. The speeches were greeted with loud applause here at Yearning for Zion Ranch, and others from a broad spectrum were quick to support the idea.

Supporters at the McCain-Palin event included:

  • From the entertainment world, actor Rob Lowe, directors Woody Allen and Roman Polanski, singer Rick James, and both Ronnie Wood and Bill Wyman from the Rolling Stones, plus Jerry Lee Lewis.
  • From the Democrats, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Gary Hart, Kwame Kilpatrick, Gary Condit, Mel Reynolds, Neil Goldschmidt, and the late former congressman Gerry Studds.
  • From the Republican/Conservative side, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Strom Thurmond, Dan Crane, Donald Buz Lukens, Jon Grunseth, and Mark Foley.
  • From overseas, Ad van den Berg, a founder of the Dutch Charity, Freedom and Diversity Party, and the entire British and French Parliaments.

Henry Kissinger explained more details of the plan, such as keeping large numbers of teenage girls in deep caves to keep them safe from nuclear war, along with selecting appropriate men to propagate the species, mainly politicians who understand the duty to their country.

Economist Alan Greenspan also announced his support for the idea, saying that the increased number of children born would help produce income to pay off all the Social Security and Medicare liabilities that threaten to bankrupt the country.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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