Brussels Belgium, September 7, 2008: Member countries of the European Union (EU) and NATO awoke this morning to a Russian surprise. Premier Vladimir Putin had said "he would not use military force to counter NATO ships in the Black Sea, but other means of retaliation were not to be ruled out."
European workers and school children happily went off to their daily activities, after brushing their teeth, shaving, bathing, eating oatmeal or drinking tea. All of Europe is drunk, as the Russians successfully tapped into Europe's water supplies and substituted Vodka. French President Nicolas Sarkozy was overheard saying "it's left over USSR era Vodka; the cheap bastards could have at least used Stoli."
EU industries ground to a screeching halt, as only borsht (beet soup) was flowing through the natural gas and oil pipelines connecting Russia and Europe.
The EU and NATO acted swiftly, connecting every available pump to the pipelines and then back flushing the borsht to Russia. Russian rivers, lakes and streams are running red as if they were filled with blood, their unprepared pumping stations bursting, not being ready for this response. Flies, lice, frogs, cattle plague, darkness, hail, boils, locust and who knows what else have also developed due to the Russian Premier's stubbornness.
President Bush is expected to meet with EU and NATO leaders in the United Kingdom, to pass over the situation and plan for expediting the exodus of the Russian Premier. Besides, the president likes British cuisine.