Written by fime
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Topics: Disabled

Thursday, 27 May 2004

It has been revealed that President Bush will kill a disabled girl's kitten during a special programme to be filmed live on Sunday morning.

It is hoped the live killing, which will be conducted in the presence of the kitten's owner (knee cancer victim, Fiona Wenning, age 10) and before a studio audience of 100 school children, will give a much needed boost to the President's lacklustre approval ratings ahead of the 2004 Presidential Election.

The move, which some critics have labelled as 'distasteful', is said to have been inspired by a recent study into alpha male dominance by world famous anthropologist Chanwatt Biggun. Mr Biggun claims 76% of all Americans are 98% more likely to vote for the 'biggest chap' than vote at all.

However, being the biggest chap isn't all about throttling kittens. Biggun's report also suggests that President Bush would immediately gain 15 points if voters could watch him 'bully ramming' Secretary for Defence, Donald Rumsfeld, in the Oval Office.

'It's clear we have to do something,' Bush campaign manager, Ken Mehlman, told reporters last night. 'In 2000 we just cheated our way into the Whitehouse. We're doing our best to control the situation, but even I don't think Americans are stupid enough to put up with our shenanigans a second time round.'

We'll see.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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