Juneau-Her, Al-Ask-Her - (Raving Bonkers Mess): John McCain met his running mate's mother just once.
Anchorage forensic genealogical sources reckon they have matched Sarah Palin's DNA to Hillary Clinton.
"It was just a drunken, seedy one night stand in the back alley behind the Mayfly Hotel, recent scene of Eliot Spitzer's Holy Roman Emperor VIP Shagging Agency shenanigans," LA FagHagSlagMag's Alaska co-respondent Dave Skank said today.
"At first she offered him just a blow-job. But McCain wasn't satisfied with that.
"After all in them days you gotta lot more bang for your $5 buck in Washington AC/DC."
Now the GOP presidential wannabe faces a backlash from his own party after it emerged that Sarah Palin is nothing more than his secret alien implant, protecting the interests of Alaska's notorious Corrupt Bastards Club.
McCain's campaigning slogan is 'Cunt-ry (sic) First'.