Last branch of service to be outsourced
Washington, DC -- In a stunning announcement today, Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the contract to provide Air Force services for the
United States will go to Pakistan. "With an ever increasing military expertise, and with the benefit of added saving to the taxpayers of America, Pakistan will do an excellent job of defending the air above our nation."
It had been a contentious decision-making process for months, as India, Russia and China all were vying for the lucrative outsourcing contract. "The final decision to go with Pakistan was a fair one. We didn't want to favor one supplier," he noted. Russia already provides the Marines services, China is now the supplier of Army services, and India has the Navy contract. Coast Guard services are split between Panama for the West coast, and Bermuda for the East coast.
"Of course, with continued oversight by the Internal Revenue Service, we are in a good position to ensure value for our defense dollar." He brushed aside criticism concerning Halliburton's recent acquisition of the IRS, and its decision to re-incorporate in the Cayman Islands. "Our hemisphere is safer now then it has ever been," he added.
Reaction from corporate leaders was swift and supportive. A. Belda, CEO of Alcoa, said, "The financial savings for the taxpayers of America will be fantastic. By this contract, there will be enough surplus created in the Federal budget to finally finance the Fortune 100 Captains of Industry Golf Classic Tournament, slated for next fall at Pebble Beach."