Democratic political operatives have already started digging for dirt on Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. John McCain announced her as his choice for Vice-President on Friday, and the spin doctors are on the hunt.
Palin's experience in beauty pageants is currently drawing the most attention. She beat out three other girls in a vicious competition back in 1984, then nearly won Miss Alaska. Democratic Senate candidate and comedian Al Franken told reporters late Friday that he was a judge at that Miss Alaska competition, and that Palin tried to win him over by having sex with him and Margaret Trudeau, who was then the wife of the Canadian Prime Minister. A spokesman for the Trudeau family denied the allegation, claiming that Franken is confused due to an old Saturday Night Live sketch that was also untrue.
Democrats in Alaska have attacked the presumptive VP nominee for her past aggressive behavior. "Sarah Palin was known as Sarah Barracuda back in high school because she was a real cut-throat," claimed Dan Cesspuss (Wasilla class of 1984). A Palin spokesman denied the remark and said Cesspuss was just jealous because he asked her to the prom and she said no.
Outside of the partisan realm, a group of columnists on TheSpoof.com is reportedly on the trail of Palin's activities with the Corrupt Bastards Club. Connections between her, Ted Stevens, Frank Murkowski, and other Alaskan insiders will likely be exposed in the next few days.
Meanwhile, Barack Obama's campaign reportedly has a crack team of computer experts scouring the internet looking for nude photos of Sarah Palin. "It's a dirty job," said one, "and I'm damn lucky I get to be a part of it."