In much the same way that former President Franklin D. Roosevelt hid his permanent paralysis from the waist down while in office, presidential hopeful Barack Obama managed to hide his own disability from the public... that is, until today.
A secret tape leaked onto the internet from the most recent Democratic National Convention reveals that Mr. Obama's speech is actually far more colorful than censors will allow.
"To Chairman Nipplebiter! Dean and my great friend Asshole! Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens Chink! Spic! Faggot! of this great nation;
"With profound gratitude and great humility, I Bastard! accept your Nipplebiter! nomination for the presidency of the United States.
"Let me Shit! express my Nixon! thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me Wetback! on this journey, and especially the one Nipplebiter! who traveled the farthest - a champion Asshole! for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and to yours -- Hillary Rodham Bitch! Clinton.
To President Slut! Clinton, who last night made the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy Drunkass!, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden Cracker!, I thank you. I Nipplebiter! am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man C*cksucker! Motherf*cker! at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he Nipplebiter! still takes home every night..."
An extensive effort to hide Obama's disability has been underway for the past year-and-a-half. With the cat out of the bag, however, expert pollsters are not sure what to make of the impact on the presidential race.
"It's a bit of a cripple-fight," said one veteran Washington insider. "John McCain is nearly in his eighties. But Barack Obama would be the first 'black' President -- plus he has Tourette's. Really, it's a toss up if you ask me."