Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 August 2008

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The Democratic National Convention opened with the Revelation that their nominee Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. Delegates, Super Delegates, and other party members and press cheered at the announcement that their charismatic candidate was the rebirth of Satan and would plunge the world into Armageddon.

Appearing amidst concert like smoke any pyrotechnics (later revealed as fire and brimstone), the candidate drew repeated applause and standing ovations from the crowd. Thirteen virgin sacrifices (fans taken from a Star Trek convention across town) were made in his honor and all present had streaks of blood placed upon their foreheads in the famous 666 pattern.

As a surprise, Republican President George Bush addressed the convention and said, "Just as John the Baptist was the famous forerunner to Jesus Christ, I have been in office the past eight years as the forerunner to the Anti-Christ. I have left the government a shambles and confidence in America at an all time low. I have plunged us into war in the Middle East. I have prepared the way for Armageddon for Brack Obama, who is my Prophet, Priest, and King."

Hillary Clinton and her supporters were silent at the convention, as they were not their. Sources with the Obama committee revealed that they were burning eternally in a lake of fire and brimstone for their continued opposition to the candidate.

Government officials that had previously endorsed the candidate were all given special consideration, including cars, cash, and more women (explaining the truth behind the John Edwards adultery news story from a few weeks ago).

Baptist Minister and former Arkansas Governor Huckabee and Mormon High Priest and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, both expected to be on the short list of Republican Vice Presidential candidates, both shit their pants at the announcement.

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