Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: John McCain

Monday, 25 August 2008

image for John McCain Selling Six Houses...Or Seven...Maybe Eight
Next House?

Deluged with criticism for failing to know the number of houses owned, John McCain decided, (for the good of his White House campaign) to relinquish ownership of six or seven, maybe eight of his houses. Like pronto.

The correct number remains vague, as some of the properties have outhouses, (hole in ground with four walls, roof and door; hopefully a lock) and though the question was focused on residencies, (structure with kitchen, bedroom and living room; hopefully a security system) the possibility of including or adding the outhouses presented a degree of confusion for the Senator; he who would be President and have his finger on the nuclear button.

While the average taxpayer may not know the number of socks he owns, houses are a more obtrusive in your face reality with driveways, garages, electricity, running water, furniture and mortgages. House ownership can usually be counted on one hand and not subject to being swallowed up by the clothes dryer. Houses do not disappear. The number remains fixed.

In defense of not knowing his house count, the McCain campaign issued a rant against Obama, delivering a war-chest of "gotchas" that ended by accusing him of eating arugula. So there!

Does Queen Elizabeth know how many houses she owns? What about the Sultan of Brunei? Bill Gates? Not that one is suggesting Senator McCain has amassed a fortune that rival's that of the Queen of England, the Sultan of Brunei or Bill Gates. Does he collect houses like McDonald's and Starbucks issue franchises? Life appears to have become a blur since marriage to the beer gold card. It's good to be king.

Besides not knowing the number of houses he owns, McCain doesn't know what kind of cars he owns and forgot Iraq borders Iran. But he sure knows with absolute certainty when life begins and in a pro-life candidate. In marriage, however, he remains pro-choice.

Maybe McCain should keep his six or seven houses, maybe eight, and just give up the idea that he needs a White House. Paint one of his six or seven, maybe eight houses white and have a beer instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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