Paris France, August 20, 2008: Dr. Felix G. Teton (PHD), a professor of mathematics, at the Sorbonne University announced today that the "Hockey Stick" curve is a false predictor of increasing climate temperature change. He says that "I have developed the true global warming paradigm."
The good doctor has proposed that global warming is best explained by an inverted double humped elliptic paraboloid. In his paper Felix postulates that because of symmetry a two hump planer projection is only necessary to understanding his proposition. The Y Axis shows increasing values in inches from 0-50" and the X-Axis shows alphabetic values from A-DDD.
Felix's unified theory recognizes three erogenous temperature zones. They are readily identifiable from the graph, corresponding to an increase in temperature from cold to hot and then to torrid (intense heat). These zones are 0"-20", A/B; 20"-36", C/D; and 36"-50" DD and above. There are anomalies in the professor's calculations that appear as dark red sun spots at the center of each paraboloid's surface. It is probably a singular point and will be subjected to Riemann (Felix's assistant) surface analysis. Additionally, Dr. Teton cautions "that gravitational effects have not been factored into any of his observations."
Further research relative to worm holes will be conducted by Dr. Teton with faculty staff and student volunteers, pending the receipt of additional grant money from the French government.