WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Osama bin Laden's terrorist organization al Qaeda has released a new video. This time, the video features the prominent radio talk show host Alex Jones. Although the CIA has no idea about the video's origin, it appears to have been filmed recently, since Alex Jones issues a statement about the upcoming Republican and Democratic conventions.
"Both political parties are bought and paid for. The sellout is completely bipartisan," an embattled Alex Jones said in the video.
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff spoke about the need to find and capture Alex Jones. "It is imperative that we find Mr. Alex Jones. Recent legislation on homegrown terrorism made it a felony to criticize the Democrat and Republican parties," said Secretary Chertoff.
Alex Jones fans and supporters, so far, are refusing to turn their terror leader into authorities. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi held a joint press conference with Republican Leader John Boehner. Together, they warned Americans against supporting and following Alex Jones.
"People who buy Alex Jones' DVDs will be in violation of the USA PATRIOT Act. Don't forget that with all of the laws we have on the books and the technology we have at our disposal, we will be able to track all of your online financial transactions," said Congressman John Boehner.
Republican Party strageist, Faye Kerr, said, "It's about time they try to capture Alex Jones. He is such a kook. He talks about things like the government criminalizing peaceful speech and how the government supposedly can track and trace everything we do."
"We have an excellent idea about the general location of Alex Jones, but we aren't quite certain about his exact whereabouts," said one government official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "As soon as we figure it out, Americans will be able to sleep more comfortably knowing that another al Qaeda sympathizer is off of the streets." The anonymous official also warned that, "Lew Rockwell may be next."
Alex Jones is believed to be broadcasting from a mobile studio out of the back of a van. If you spot Alex Jones, please call the Department of Homeland Security immediately.