Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for John McCain: Lindsay Lohan, not about being gay, but dating Jews
Lohan or McCain

(Washington, D.C.)Consider that less than a year ago presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain actually looked to George Bush to school him on the "internets" and "the Google". Now, Senator McCain's recent blog entries have gotten him notice on the web. First, there was his standing on line blog while waiting for the new Apple iPhone.This week it was Lindsay Lohan dating, not a lesbian, but a Jewish lesbian, Samantha Ronson.

"It's time for a little straight talk.... no pun intended. What man doesn't like lesbians? Okay, gay men, but I said "straight" talk," writes McCain in his blog. "I don't think there is anything wrong with "Where The Boys Aren't", except that I wish that series was around when Connie Francis was in her prime." But the praise quickly turns to admonishment. "This whole thing (again no pun) with Lindsay Lohan dating Samantha "Sam" Ronson. Should a Christian lesbian be dating a Jewish lesbian? Being a Christian, I'd have to say no. And if I knew any Jewish people and asked them, not only would they say no, I'm certain they would plotz. So I'm am truly at a point of conflict between my commitment to lesbians and my religious beliefs, as any good American would be."

It didn't take long for the commentary to begin. Democratic strategist James Carville weighed in with "now nobody was more of a fan of lesbians than my old boss Bill Clinton. That man could recite every line of dialogue from ever "Where The Boys Aren't", all ten minutes of it. And I spoke with President Clinton about this. And he said that not only does he advocate interfaith lesbian relationships, he reminded me that they're guaranteed by the Constitution. Plus, he finds them "extra hot", and I concur."

Noted Constitutional lawyer Alan Dershowitz countered McCain in his own blog. Dershowitz wrote this week, "While Senator McCain and I do agree on the merits of the "Where The Boys Aren't" series, if Senator McCain would have posed the Lohan-Ronson question to me, yes, I would plotz...if I were a fly on the wall of that bedroom."

On McCain's part, was it to further convince young voters that he is connected to them and at the same time not alienate the much coveted and needed Christian Fundamentalist base? Associated Press calls to the Senator have not been returned, since they have always been made at naptime. However, presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama did comment on the McCain blog. "Once again, this brings out Senator McCain's inability to view situations globally. To focus on "Where The Boys Aren't", leaving out such works as the "No Man's Land" series or the current work of Nina Hartley, I think that speaks for itself."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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