From within the Bat Cave- John McCain, the self-proclaimed 'Dark Overlord of the Night', recently proclaimed a new evil villain in society: the sun. It was not quite surprising coming from McCain, a well known vampire; what drew attention was his campaign promise to completely "end the light."
The Dark Overlord of the Night proclaimed as President he would go to war with the "ultimatum of the axis of evil:" the sun. McCain also declared Iraq no longer a major threat-the sun being the final resolution to our global war. Sources close to McCain say his radical move to obliterate the sun is response to all the years of "unbearable sunburns."
"As President of this abominable nation, it is my duty to promote the righteous and wipe out the evil, wicked sun. I promise to work with those pinheads Pelosi and Gore to combat the life-threatening Global Warming war and annihilate the sun. Not only will it help save this damned planet, but also my vampire cronies and I will be able to live like the day walkers.
"Our other wars such as the notorious War on Drugs, the liberty-restricting dream; the War on Iraq, a total "F-You" to the civilians of that blasted nation; and the War on Poverty, a war that actually increased desolate impoverished humans, all of which became successes. By following the path of illicit victorious wars, my War on the Sun will prove to be another success annihilating evil from society," John McCain.
In response to reporters' questions as the 'how two's' of blowing up the sun, McCain left the details under wrap in a Bush styled approach. He dodged the questions, replying with answers such as "I don't recall," and "I don't know."
The press conference concluded with the Dark Overlord of the Night calling on all Americans to donate to their local blood bank for the annual Blood Fest.