Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 24 May 2004

image for John Kerry Sizes Up George W. Bush
"...no more than this!"


Appearing on "60 Minutes" this Sunday, presidential hopeful Senator John Kerry was grilled by Mike Wallace in an in-depth interview that covered questions about the candidate's favorite hamburger condiments, his wife's African experiences, and how far he could toss a Silver Star. Senator Kerry appeared unfazed by most of the questions, which prompted Mr. Wallace to get down to a more personal line of questions.

Citing several reports from Kerry's prep school gym teacher, Navy buddies, and personal trainer, Wallace asked Kerry "Is it true that the Senator's "private parts are considerably larger than that of President George Bush?" Mr. Kerry responded with several lively stories about Milton Berle and Rasputin.

Then, in a moment of fleeting sincerity, Mr. Kerry said, "I am quite confident about details of my personal size and ability to perform... but I have to say that my opponent in this race acts like he's got no more than this!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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