Written by Paul Bavill

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Topics: Iraq, Baghdad

Monday, 24 May 2004

image for Iraq: US has Delivered American Values
The Al-Bizlats before a drive by.

Spokesman for Coalition forces on the ground in Baghdad has today announced the completion of operations to bring full US values to the people of Iraq.

General Dwight Rikkenbacker made the following statement, "When I look at Baghdad today I see a city of run down buildings where everybody carries a gun. Tribal scores of race and creed are settled with violence. Drugs, guns and explosives are more readily available than food and there is a huge illegal sex trade visible on every street."

"The result is we have a perfect model of Los Angeles here in the deserts of the Middle East. This will send out shock waves throughout the Middle East as we have now achieved our goal of offering the beleaguered people of Iraq the chance of an American lifestyle."

The General dismissed reports of terrorism and pro-Saddam insurgents as just the everyday gang culture, which you can see on any street in southern Los Angeles.

"Last week", he continued, "Three local store owners were gunned down in broad daylight in a drive by shooting. How much more American can you get?"

As the deadline for the political handover of Iraq draws near, the last item on the agenda is to find a half-wit Iraqi president who cannot speak his own language.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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