After much debate and sitting in the dark listening to sad songs, wannabe presidential hopeful John McCain has decided on his running mate for the post of lackey/vice- president.
The job of other guy/vice-president is usually a deciding factor where voters are concerned, except in the case of George Bush Sr. who chose an unknown ice cream truck driver by the name of Dan Quayle. Therefore, McCain searched high and low in between visits to wiener schnitzel houses and back alleys for a sensible choice.
"My first choice was for Oliver Hardy, the actor, because of his impish good looks and cheerful obesity, but then I found out he was dead! Heck, I didn't even know he was sick!"
McCain continued, "My next choice was my best friend from high school, but almost everyone from 1898 is dead or in the Senate, so that was a no go!"
So who did McCain choose as his running mate for whathisname/vice-president?
"After lots of thought and wiener schnitzel and even more Budweiser, I decided on Mr.Moochie."
And who is the mysterious Mr.Moochie you might ask? Believing that Barack Obama is unstopable because of his likeability, McCain has gone one better, courtesy of the Arizona zoo.
"Mr.Moochie is a chimpanzee! Hey, everybody loves monkeys and when the general public gets their first look at Mr.Moochie nozzing in ze vorld vill shtop me from becoming President of the United States of Apes. Uh, America. Take that, pretty boy Barack! And besides, he'll fit right in with the other monkeys in the House of Representatives!"
No word yet if Obama will counter with a running mate that looks like Lassie or Garfield the cat.