Washington, DC - Katie McCouric announced today a renewal of her contract with the McCain campaign.
"My job is to play the role of a McCBS anchor, and to edit McCain's responses to questions," she revealed. "I trim out the more incoherent material, so that what the public sees makes some sort of demented sense."
"Sometimes this requires me to match the answer to one question with another question. For example, McCain frequently gets names, dates and geography wrong, as in the case of the Anbar Awakening. But that's o.k. Fixing his errors is what I get paid for!"
Pundits applauded McCouric's fine work. "Legally, Katie is employed by the McCBS network, so her salary does not count as a campaign expense," enthused McCain media consultant Karl Rove from his office at Newsweek. "She can interview him for McCBS, and then improve his answers so the public thinks he's coherent, and it doesn't cost us a dime!"
"This is an important public-private alliance," said CBS president Leslie McMoonves. "If McCain ceased to be a viable candidate, we would lose a lot of advertising revenue. By propping him up for the next few months, our profits are assured."
"Besides," McMoonves said with a smile, "Viacom shareholders have a lot of money in General Dynamics and the Carlyle Group. John "More Wars" McCain really is the better choice for our company."