Written by DJR
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Topics: Philadelphia

Sunday, 23 May 2004

image for Billy Joel Loses An Eye
The incident as it happened

May 22nd, 2004 (Philadelphia, Pa) -

It was a strange turn of events today outside of South Philadelphia's newest hot spot, Chicky & Pete's.

Singer/songwriter Billy Joel showed up amidst a plethora of paparazzi and ardent fans to celebrate the Flyers being one step closer to play for the Stanley Cup (they lost).

During the media circus, a fan yelled, "Billy! You rock!" Joel turned to thank his fan when, suddenly, his right eye popped out. The performer screamed in pain as a flock of cameras circled around the eye in a frenzy of gasps and flash photography. Sadly, during the confusion, a woman ran over to help her idol and accidentally stepped on the eye. It couldn't be saved.

"It's a real shame, you know?" said local resident, Danny Palmer. "I guess tonight just wasn't Philly's night. The Flyers lost their chance and Billy Joel loses an eye. I swear this city has some kind of curse or jinx on it. Oh, well. Maybe the Phillies can do a little better."

Joel was rushed to Methodist Hospital immediately following the incident.

Resident Jennifer Hilton was quoted as saying she wouldn't go to any future concerts of the Piano Man unless he sported his trademark Ray Ban sunglasses to cover up his disfigured face. We asked if she would attend if he wore an eyepatch. Her response:

"Well... that's not very cool, is it?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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