Hollywood - Actor Wilfred Brimley has been chosen to play John McCain at the Republican National Convention.
"I'm feeling kind of tired," said McCain, "So I mix up a lot of facts. Like I don't remember whether the Anbar Awakening of 2006 came before or after the surge of 2007. And I just can't remember - is Iraq next to Pakistan? I think it must be, because I want to bomb them both. Anyhoo, under the circumstances, I think I'll just have someone read my speech at the Convention. Then I can nap."
Pundits applauded this move. "The values of the McCain campaign center around one theme: regularity. And who better to deliver this message than Quaker Oats spokesmodel Brimley?"
"This is a relief to McCain supporters in the media," said Katie Couric. "We've been having to edit his remarks so they weren't completely off-the-wall. Brimley, at least, can read a script."
An historian noted this is not the first time the role of presidential candidate has been played by an actor. "Danny DeVito covered for Dick Cheney in 2004 by reprising his 'Penguin' role, without the makeup. No-one noticed." In addition, Secret Service logs reveal Jim Carey played George W Bush on numerous occasions, drawing on his experience as the lead in "Liar, Liar!"
In related news, the Obama campaign denied rumors that it is negotiating with Will Smith.