Washington DC-- Dick Cheney called a press conference today to announce his plans after January '09. The youthful looking Vice President announced he will be selling skin care products after his term expires. It's not well known the Veep has beautiful, velvety soft skin and that he once was a fashion model for Vague Magazine. Some comments from the press conference are courtesy of TheSpoof.com.
"Hello everyone, and welcome to my pre-retirement party!" gushed the loathsome Dick. "I'm going to sell lots of skin-care products! I have a deal with Marie Kaye Cosmetics. My soft and silky, peaches and cream complexion attracted them!"
Mr. Cheney then offered his face to the camera. The camera focused on his soft, feminine face. He was the very ideal of health and beauty. The Vice President next rubbed a pink gel all over his smooth face and gave his famous grin:
"This is baby oil I'm putting on my face." he laughed. "Real baby oil! Made from Iraqi babies. Makes the skin look real nice."
The doe-eyed Cheney then tossed his head and girlishly giggled.
"These are the spoils of war! There's nothing wrong with it!" he laughed. "Want to buy some??"
And everyone did.