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Wednesday, 23 July 2008

image for Senior Citizen Birthrate Soars

Washington DC, July 25, 2008: President Bush today called an urgent meeting with his cabinet members from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), Health and Human services (HHS) and Homeland Security Department (HSD). The topic was the alarming increase in the birth rate among senior citizens.

Cheap Canadian medications for senior citizens have been flooding the US market, due to their low price and easy availability via advertisements on the internet. The FDA is very concerned as some of these Canadian drugs are fakes and are actually only Aspirin mixed with large amounts of caffeine.

FDA studies have shown that caffeine dilates blood vessels in all parts of the body, acting like Viagra in males. Additionally, senior citizens taking these fake medications in conjunction with drinking two or more cups of real coffee and two caffeinated soft drinks per day are at even higher risk. Senior citizens have lots of free time to play bridge, serve at the food bank, do charity work and visit the grandchildren. But, there is still plenty of time for other types of socialization, especially in light of the FDA studies.

HHS is concerned about the demand that will be placed on existing day care centers, that already handle children of two working parents and now will be compounded by senior citizens leaving the "new kids on the block" when they are away on cruises. HSD along with the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) cannot decide if the "new kids on the block" are illegal immigrants from Canada, as our neighbor to the north created this problem.

President Bush has not yet decided whether to ask Congress to ban Canadian drug imports; to ask HSD to build a 2500 mile fence along the Canadian border; to ask Congress to declare war on Canada; or have the US Drug companies compete to reduce the price of Medicare drugs for senior citizens. He has till January 20, 2009 to decide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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