Written by Morse
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Topics: Barack Obama

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

image for Patty Hearst Endorses Obama
Hey, can I join too?

Greenwich, Cn./ AP - Inspired by the recent New Yorker Magazine cover of Michelle Obama looking like Angela Davis, and Barack Obama looking like a Charmin Toilet Paper ad with a roll wrapped around his head, the former trust fund terrorist said she's ready to get back into politics.

Flush from her recent win at the Westminster Kennel Club where her French Bulldog, Diva, won her class, she said for the first time since 1974 when she was caught on tape robbing a California bank, she is truly proud of her country.

Finally arrested, Hearst was sentenced to 7 years in prison, served 2, had the sentence commuted by former democratic President Jimmy Carter and was finally pardoned by former democratic President Bill Clinton. Both former Presidents have named a wing of their Presidential Libraries after Hearst's grandfather, William Randolph Hearst, who was reportedly worth $1.8 billion when he died.

"My dogs have been my life," she said, "but politics is where my real strength lies.
Diva is typically French, she looks down on all the other dogs she meets and she really can't believe how dirty the streets were in New York City. She has really been the inspiration for me to get the fire back inside and return to politics after seeing what Barack stands for, like you know, he's really a cool dude, and his wife is far out. I was having flashbacks to '74 when I saw that magazine cover, you know?" (pantomimes holding rifle and pulling trigger ed. note)

The interview was briefly interrupted when a door slammed and Diva rolled on her back and put all 4 paws in the air and started to cry.) "There, I told you she was typically French, she's got great attitude but it's why we have a German Shepherd for protection at the estate," she said.

When it was pointed out that the current candidates for President of the United States could fit the analogy she just made she seemed puzzled at the comparison.

"Well Jeez," she exclaimed, "I didn't just come out of the cupboard yesterday! ( a reference to her alleged imprisonment in a Symbionese Liberation Army household cupboard for 57 days), Barack may not have been a fighter pilot and endured 5 years of hostile incarceration in a North Vietnamese prison, but he sure had to kick alot of butt to get where he was in Chicago politics and I can tell you he negotiated his ass off to get the Democratic nomination! Plus he thinks alot like a woman, always changing his mind...I like that in a politician....you've got to be flexible."

Asked how she thought she could help the Obama campaign Hearst said she was ready to roll. "His staff called me today, she said," I'm going with him when he meets with the pirates in Somalia to work out a peace treaty. Now that he had the Supreme Court repeal the gun carry laws he said I could even be packin'....and I can't wait to help him with HIS library!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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