President George Bush fell into a new controversy this week when during a haircut at the White House, his personal hairdresser, Rebecca Goodgrip, discovered a previously unnoticed tattoo on his scalp bearing the symbol "666", the mark of the devil.
Miss Goodgrip fainted, but when she was helped to her feet, she ran screaming from the building and sprinted off the grounds and into Pennsylvania Avenue where she was decapitated by a pane of glass falling off a truck.
Her shampoo girl, Heather, told police that her boss had reacted hysterically to something she had seen on the President's head. When Father Troughton, the White House priest, tried to investigate further, however, a Rottweiler appeared out of nowhere to look menacingly at him, and he backed off. Later, he was found dead having been 'skewered' by the White House flagpole.
A CIA agent was able to confirm the 666 tattoo by cutting away a tuft of the President's hair after he had gone for a lie down following his afternoon medication.
For years, it has been rumoured by many around the world that President Bush is the human incarnation of Satan, and this new evidence appears to confirm those fears.
Asked about the tattoo, Mr Bush said boldly:
"Ladies and gentlemen. Good morning. You are one day closer to the end of the world. You have been warned."