John McCain has begun to campaign under the banner Country First! His first announcement of the new slogan came in a surprise marriage ceremony between Dolly Parton and Johnny McC in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator presiding.
McCain announced: "Dolly will be my vice-president and all of America will experience the warmth and nurturing bosoms of my new wife. Kennedy had his Camelot and W has had his Disaster Area. The McCain presidency will be Dogpatch!
"It will be country first with the White House being moved to Nashville and Stand by Your Man as the new National Anthem. The national flower will be kudzu and we will promise you a possum in every pot.
"Moonshine will flow freely across our great land and white lightning will win the drug war once and for all.
"Country first means no strange names in our White House and no gay blades in our knife draw. Country First means charity begins at home and the rest of the God forsaken world can stay that way. Like Hamlet said: Cunt'ry matters! Right, Dolly!"