Written by Morse
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Sunday, 20 July 2008

image for Clinton Addresses Spitzer Scandal

Former President Bill Clinton says he is completely perplexed over today's allegations that NY Democratic Governor Elliot Spitzer has been caught in a FBI wiretap sting involving high priced call girls in the Nation's capitol.

"I've never paid for anything in my life, and that includes sex, whatever your definition of the word is!" said the former President when we caught up with him at his Presidential Library where he was going over the stack of recent cash contributions from the mid-east, Hong Kong, and Venezuela. "This sounds like another smear campaign to embarrass an outstanding Democratic politician like the Republicans tried to do to me."

(The former President dismissed comments from Fox News that the only SMEAR against him was found on THE BLUE DRESS. )

"Why anybody in the position of power he had where he misused the NY State Police to harass and intimidate anyone who opposed him, and where he implied legal threats against any of his opponents had to buy sexual favors is absurd.....he could have just used his political office to seduce anyone, and if that failed he could have just raped them and no one would have believed any of those bimbos....I think I proved that!"

Senator Hillary Clinton, herself the victim of endless humiliation brought on by the sexual exploits of her husband, said her heart went out to Spitzer's wife who appeared with him during the press conference today where he apologized to his family and constituents in a stilted prepared speech. "I think she did very well in a difficult situation...her outfit fit the occasion, not too flashy, not too matronly...it's really tough at times like this to pick the right outfit and makeup. I noticed she also had just the right dark shadow under her eyes to indicate she had a restless night, but they could have been a little deeper like the way I like to wear it when I have to stand next to Bill."

Senator Clinton went on to say that even though today's allegations all but doom any further political advancement for the NY Governor , she not only supports him, but when she becomes President , she would pardon him as well. "I think he would make a great Attorney General, and I'm sure he would work well with Barney Frank my Federal Reserve Board appointee.(Frank was implicated when his gay lover was arrested for running a gay prostitution ring out of Frank's Washington residence several years ago)

The Senator did indicate the $4300 fee the Governor paid for the call girl would have been better spent on her campaign, but was quick to add "I am not a whore to my political ambitions!" When questioned about the proprietary of a pardon for an elected Democrat in a position of trust and responsibility who had allegedly commited a felony, she laughed and said "F*** 'em if they can't take a joke, it's payback time!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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