For the last seven years, the name Osama Bin Laden has been cast about the average American household like a pair of 3 week old gym socks. The only thing that all of these thousands of conversations have in common is that no one has yet found Osama Bin Laden.
However, his absence on the battlefields of Afghanistan has finally been explained. On July 10, 2008, Osama Bin Laden was spotted in the most unlikely of places: the Red Light district of Las Vegas.
Further investigation has revealed that Bin Laden has been working as a 2 cent hooker in Vegas since the opening shots of Operation Enduring Freedom, when he mysteriously disappeared. According to interviews with members of Bin Laden's clientel, he can usually be found between 12:30 AM and 1:15 AM, wearing a dress and a wig. He is apparently too lazy, or perhaps too dedicated to Islam, to shave his facial hair.
Las Vegas Police, in a joint effort with the FBI, have attempted several arrest attempts on Bin Laden. However, all attempts to date have failed, mainly due to the inability of the officers to control their hysterical laughter at Bin Laden's appearance.
A recent interview with an FBI spokesman shed some light on plans for future attempts. "We are currently in the process of exposing agents and local law enforcement officers to file photos of Bin Laden in his, shall we say, "work" attire. Progress has been slow. Several of our best agents are currently hospitalized in stable, but critical condition due to these attempts at desensitizing our people to Bin Laden's appearance."
Bin Laden is currently under discreet observation.
One of his clients has been heard saying that he, "promises to 'love you long time,'" possibly implying that Bin Laden may have no plans at relocating any time soon.